5 Lessons I Learned or Re-Learned this Year
Introduction
As we near the end of the year, sometimes I become more reflective, asking myself if the year went well. Did things go as well as I had hoped? Could I have done something more? Could I have worked smarter or more effectively?
This year, I think we all have been forced to think about what we truly value in this life. For most of us, we have felt some form of hardship. There have been lost lives of loved ones, economic struggles, loneliness, and added stress for many. The troubles are many, but what can we learn from them? That is what matters.
Here is what I learned (or re-learned) this year:
1. Truly Value Every Day
I am not immune from everyday problems. I can also find myself in arguments over trivial matters, or losing touch with the present moment, or forgetting what is truly important sometimes. The journey is always unfolding and not a direct path to anywhere. There are bumps along the way, and we need to keep going, keep moving toward improving and becoming something better.
Whatever this experience is that we are having, that is the same for all, yet different for all, is worth it. We need to live every day with consciousness, with a will to do something for ourselves and others. Our everyday decisions seem so minor and inconsequential at times, but the impact can be major. Collect all those minor, seemingly inconsequential moments of humanity, and they mean something when they are all put together.
For example, one person’s loneliness makes you feel like you don’t matter. But imagine the collective loneliness of humanity, and you see that we are together in this. Upon realizing that he is part of a larger collective loneliness, the loneliest person in the world may be motivated to help alleviate this suffering in his fellow humans.
There is tremendous value in every single day. Every day is a gift, and I aim to see it for what it is. Suffering can seem like a big burden, a curse, but even this is a gift. Suffering is what connects all of humanity. We have all suffered in some way, and so we should all aim to help each other when we can. Rather than running from the suffering, it can be worthwhile to connect with it and reflect on it and see that it can help us to build some bridges with one another in this life.
When I was younger, at times, I felt that I was suffering tremendously (e.g., mental, not physical pain) and that I was alone. I wish I would have spoken to someone about this back then. Many people in my life would have listened, but I kept it as my own burden. But that suffering has helped me connect with and help people, so it has been a blessing in that sense.
When I help others, I can see clearly that whatever I have suffered was nothing in the grand scheme.
Sometimes I think about my youth or the young people I have known, and it is so obvious to me that we do not truly understand all that we have during that time in our life. In your youth, you have all your energy, all the time, love, and no true responsibility of your own. Yet, our young people often have no true understanding of all they have been given, of the work and trouble it takes to support them. They have no idea of what they have and will not understand until they double in age. Even at my age (35), sometimes I wonder if I will not truly have the perspective to know what I have in this very moment until I am much older. How will I truly comprehend what I have until I am on the verge of losing it?
But rather than focus too much on that, I return to the concept that we must value the day, the now, what we have, right now. Aim to see it for what it is, the greatest glory that we could be bestowed with. Even if all seems wrong, you are here. That means something. You have the chance to do something, to turn it all around, to experience one more moment, and the next, and the next.
2. The Right Moment is Now (Usually)
Often, I will find myself planning things out for the future. I may think: One day, I want to travel, to read all the books I would like, to tell people what I truly wanted to tell them, to write that novel, and so on. I have had all these thoughts, yet instead of waiting too long or daydreaming about it too much, I ended up jumping in and doing these things.
Through my college years and in graduate school, I always wanted to read books for fun, but I felt that I never had the time. This was a lie – I could have read more. When I finished graduate school, I decided that I finally had the time, and since then, I have read about 40-50 books per year. I’m sure I could find the time to read even more, but I have been happy with this. Now, I make an effort to read the right books, rather than focusing too much on the number. I realized that I could always make the excuse that I didn’t have the time to read the books I wanted, but if this was what I truly wanted to do, then I must make time for it now.
As another example, my wife always wanted to live in Europe, so rather than wait for the right time, in 2018-2019, she accepted a position working in France. I didn’t know French at all, and my wife had an intermediate level in the language but had not studied it for many, many years. We could have tried waiting for the right time, and it may have never come. Instead, she applied for jobs, she was accepted, and we went. We had fantastic experiences there, and bad ones too, just like with anything else in life. But at least we went. We went even though we could have waited for a better time. But if we did, we may have never gone.
I have countless stories like this – where I considered waiting to do something, but instead, I decided the time was Now, and I just did it. Often, my plans were just stories I made up in my mind to feel better about something. Think of any plans you’ve ever made that involved years into the future. Did those usually go the way you expected? Or did new things come up that interfered with those plans, time and again?
In my life, I have learned over, and over that often, we are just making excuses and waiting for a later and later time. Of course, we should probably engage in some form of planning and thinking about our life’s decisions. But often, we may just be scared to make a leap. The truth is if we keep waiting for that right time, it may never come.
If you can do it Now, do it Now. Whatever it may be that your heart is set on doing.
Of course, the world as it is now, for many of us, the time is NOT now. We all have to make our own choices in the end. For some, now is the time to take risks and do everything you ever wanted to do. For others, this is the time to be careful and stay safe. Perhaps there is a way to stay safe and still make progress on your dreams.
In essence, what I want to say is that you should not wait until tomorrow to enjoy the day. Find a way to make the best of today, for it may be all we have.
(If you do decide to take some risks, please be mindful of the point below.)
3. What if Everyone Did What I Was About to Do? What Would Happen?
This is a Thought that has run through my head more than ever this year. Often, I see people take action, and I wonder if they would have done this if they had just taken a moment to consider what the world would be like if everyone behaved that way.
This is a Thought that can be used to help you take better actions that help more people. And also to help avoid taking hurtful or negative actions that could hurt more people.
If you watch or read the news, you will often hear about people in the world who are hurting others. And some of this is malicious, but some of this may happen just because people do not stop and consider: What if everyone did this? An example is littering. When someone on the streets tosses a cigarette butt, or a soda can, or anything else, many of us may fail to see how this matters in the grand scheme. But humans follow the behavior of others quite closely. If a parent does this, then his kids probably will, too, perhaps even his neighbors. If everyone did this, the streets would be filled with so much trash and make our cities look like public waste bins.
This thought (What if everyone did what I was about to do?) helped me become a more sociable person. Being sociable is not so difficult. If you keep other people in mind, then you will quickly improve your social skills. Perhaps when you are in a group, you like to take charge and lead the way. That is fine, but what if everyone behaved this way? It would be difficult to have fun if everyone wanted to lead the way, right? So perhaps, instead of assuming you are the leader and making decisions, you could propose something and see if people agree. You could still lead, just not in a forceful or intimidating way.
Some basic questions you can ask in different situations are:
If everyone did this, how happy would we be?
If everyone did this, how much suffering would this cause?
If everyone did this, how much would we accomplish?
If everyone did this, how many lives would be lost?
If everyone did this, would it be helpful or hurtful?
4. Love is What Matters
The bonds we have are not to be taken for granted. We need to remember to connect with the most important people in our lives. Day by day, these bonds can grow or recede, but they rarely stay static.
When we have love, we are alive, but we aren’t just meant to have it, but also to give it, spread it, and nurture it.
The greatest pain of our lives is when our love is lost. Either a relationship ending, or of course, a death. This is sending us a clear signal that out of all the things we worked on and strived for in our lives if we didn’t have love, then we didn’t have much.
That pain is only there to remind us of how much that love truly mattered.
One of the best feelings to have that can transcend any tactile sensation is to have love. Love is not just the joy of being cared for but also the joy of caring about someone. When you are cared for and loved, you naturally have more time and attention to love others.
When you can connect to the common experience of joy, pain, laughter, loss, sorrow, desire, and apprehension, you then can love. So if you are human, even if you have never known love, you already have it in you, as this is something that can never be taken away, the will, need desire for, and power to love.
Pay attention to the ones you love, and further, pay attention to that feeling of love. When we do this, we see that we could do more. Make the time for that person asking for your love. It could be anyone that shows up in your life today. It may even be everyone.
Perhaps everyone who crosses paths with you today, intentional or not, was just there to ask for your love.
They may all cloak themselves, hiding their true intention, to get your love, making up other reasons that they need to see you, but perhaps, that was the one true reason. How will you respond to them?
I have been making efforts to stop the bounds and limits of my love. When I see someone that needs it, I hope I am there. I hope you see this too and can expand in your love.
In another post titled The Path to a True and Fruitful Life, I also discuss the importance of love.
5. Make Your Own Path
In my business, I often think that I should do something because it is what most other writers or business people are doing. Yet time and again, I find that I am pleased to create my own path. This way, if I make mistakes, they are my own, and I learn from them. Nothing terrible has ever happened to me. I write, publish, promote, learn, and grow, and that is all. The rest are the details.
Something I have come to understand through the years is that I don’t like to promote. This often happens for writers, as they usually prefer to write. I am the same. I recognize the need for promotion – I do it, but I aim to spend the least amount of time that I can on this. I wish to do it effectively and quickly, and that is all. I have developed systems over the years to help accomplish this.
I prefer to spend my time writing, learning, growing, loving, and spreading my messages in multiple languages so that more people can benefit from what I have to say. There is only so much time and energy to put into a day. Ask yourself if you truly believe in what you are doing. When I promote too much and invest too much time in that, I feel like I have wasted my time because I have not contributed something new and useful to the world.
Are there activities like that in your life? Can you do them less and still get the positive results you need while minimizing the time you spend on them?
The point here is this:
Don’t feel that you must follow a certain path. Define yourself as you would like to be. Create your own route that only you will go on, that no one else could imitate.
When I was a young child, people always told me that I looked like my father, and perhaps at that time, I thought I was him or destined to be like him. Other times, people confused my brother and me as twins (we were close in age and similar in size, but we looked different, actually). So I was often compared to someone else. Then in time, I realized that I was my own person and that I needed to pave my own path.
Life isn’t as fun, or meaningful living in another’s shadow – you have to find your own way. Be willing to accept help or guidance, but in the end, the choices you make are your own.
If you would like to learn more about my path, or My Purpose Journey, read here.
Concluding Thoughts
This year, I learned or re-learned the following:
Truly value every day
The right moment is now (usually)
The value of thinking: What if everyone did what I was about to do? What would happen?
Love is what matters
Make your own path
These are some of the most important lessons that have come to me this year. I hope you take the time to reflect on what you learned this year and what you can improve next year.
