7 Inspirational Life Lessons We Can All Learn From Oliver James (The Man Who Struggles with Reading)

Introducing Oliver James

Oliver James is a TikTok (and #BookTok) sensation, motivational speaker, and personal trainer.

In his TikTok videos, Oliver often introduces himself by saying “I’m a 34-year-old man who struggles with reading.” However, it wasn’t long ago that he would say “I can’t read.”

He opens up about many deep struggles he has gone through with learning to read and his mental health. His story has been so inspiring that he ended up being featured on ABC’s Good Morning America, the Rachael Ray Show, NPR, and other major outlets.

The way I came to learn about Oliver may surprise you — after all, it surprised me. Oliver’s partner gave him a book that I compiled, titled 365 Quotes to Live Your Life By. It was the first book he ever owned, which was the beginning of his journey of learning to read better.

Oliver James, Tiktok sensation, motivational speaker, and personal trainer holding up "365 Quotes to Live Your Life By".

Often, he would read one or two quotes from the book while doing a workout session. Since the quotes are short, he did not need to spend too much time on them. Importantly, with this book, he had no excuse to avoid reading. There are at least 10 videos where he reads from the 365 Quotes book while he does a workout or after he reflects on his challenges with learning to read.

As 365 Quotes to Live Your Life By inspired Oliver, I was also inspired the more I learned about his story, and the more I realized how much of an effect a single book could have on someone.

As I browsed his videos, I was amazed at who this person is and what he has accomplished, and the shining path that he is illuminating in front of him. I’ve seen most of his videos at this point, and they are truly inspiring.

Oliver James has a greater depth of wisdom and understanding in him that is perhaps not apparent at first glance.

It’s easy to assume in this life that we know better than someone else because we have more education, financial resources, a better social network, status, or whatever it may be. But I will continue to tune in to see what Oliver is doing because I know that this is just the beginning. And I know that I and many others can learn from his struggle, experience, and the insights he shares.

Below are 7 Inspirational life lessons we can all learn from Oliver James, the man who struggles with reading (and who used to say “I can’t read”). To be clear, some of this post involves information I learned from his TikTok videos (@oliverspeaks1), including his words, and some of this is my elaboration or further thoughts on what he has said or done.

1) Start somewhere – Take the initiative.

A theme I’ve noticed in my own life, and the lives of many people lately is that just starting anything seems incredibly challenging. It’s common to build something up in our heads as being more difficult than it has to be. Then we may find ourselves thinking about starting, or talking about starting, but not actually doing it.

However, thinking about something without acting on it can be futile. If you want to help someone, go out and help them. If you want to make a change to better your life, then take a step toward that. Whatever it is you want to do, make sure you are taking action. A thought, even if it is positive, hopeful, or useful, can only take you so far when it comes to improving yourself.

The question is: What gives us that spark, that drive, or initiative? In Oliver’s case, he realized something. He saw that he would not be the best model for his kids if he could not read. Why would Oliver expect his son to be a great reader and achieve his dreams if he didn’t focus on this himself?

Ultimately, he saw that his life was not going in the right direction and all the difficulties that he was going to continue to have if he could not read. Oliver understood the pain that not knowing how to read well was causing him and the people around him, and he wanted to change that.

This type of realization can be a key motivator for any of us. When we see the pain we are causing and perpetuating, it is natural to want to stop this and embark on a new and better path. This is when you become empowered, find the courage within, and take action toward your goals.

Whatever it is that provides that spark in us, we need to tune into that if we ever expect to take major actions in our lives that lead to improvement.

What is so important in your life that you can’t afford to turn away from it any longer? Like Oliver, we have to see that for what it is and get started somewhere.

2) Work on your goals in your way.

Oliver’s goal for 2023 is to read 100 books. That would be quite an impressive feat, wouldn’t it?

Well, in one of his videos, Oliver discusses how some people don’t think he will be able to read 100 books in a year. Many people who read regularly, after all, still do not read 100 books in a year. And he is still learning and struggling. But Oliver knows that the goals other people set for themselves do not matter, or whatever opinion they may have about his goals also do not matter.

This is his personal goal that he has set for his reasons, and he will attempt to achieve this in a way that works for him. It may involve reading children’s books, or simpler books, as he isn’t trying to fulfill this goal in any way other than what works for him.

Oliver says, “If you set a goal, and you’re doing it at your pace, and you’re doing it for you, that’s all that matters.”

Often, we work on goals that someone else set out for us, in the way that they want us to work on them. This means we work on them in ways that don’t necessarily make us happy or that don’t allow us to function at our highest potential. Rather, we should listen to Oliver and tackle our goals in our way, for our own reasons.

Keep in mind that if Oliver was concerned with learning to read how other people say he should, perhaps he never would have gotten started. Conventional wisdom may say that you should start with a tutor, with a class, or with a particular kind of software or system meant for learning to read. But it seems Oliver decided that the most important thing was to get started and to read in the way that appealed to him and where he was able to get something done.

His partner gave him 365 Quotes to Live Your Life By, and he decided he would take it on his workouts, drives, and wherever he was going, and he would read a quote or two when he had the chance. Many people may say that this isn’t the right way. But it doesn’t matter, as long as Oliver is reading in the way that works for him.

To summarize, Oliver realized that to change his life, and keep himself from feeling stuck, he would need to learn to read. That motivated him to take the initiative. Then he worked on his goals his way, as he understood that this was the only way he would ever learn to read. What works for other people won’t necessarily work for him, so he didn’t concern himself with that.

When you have an important life goal, ask if you are approaching this in the best way that works for you, or if you have allowed too many people to tell you how you should be approaching this. Then, is their input helping, or is it just holding you back?

If their input is holding you back, consider Oliver’s next tip.

3) Don’t listen to the people who focus on the negative. Don’t let them restrict your potential.

One of Oliver’s TikTok videos shows a young woman who makes extremely negative and hurtful remarks when someone asks if she would date someone who could not read.

He responds to her hurtful words, as he wants his audience to learn a lesson here: “People’s words, they don’t mean nothing. Don’t let nobody label you. You are as smart as you think you are. Don’t worry about what anybody else says.”

As I already mentioned, when you have a goal, some people may criticize that the goal isn’t the right one, or that it is unrealistic. When people find out that you are not skilled at something, they may attack your intellect, ability, or motivation. Of course, regardless of what we choose to do in this life, there will be critics.

Constructive criticism can be useful and help us to make progress, but when someone is negative and hurtful without any purpose behind it, that is something that we have no reason to allow into our lives.

I am grateful to hear that Oliver does not allow the negativity to distract him from his purpose. He knows he wants to learn to read better, that he must get better at reading to improve his life, and that there is no reason to allow some negative comments to derail his plans. His plans are bigger than that.

Oliver took the initiative of getting started to read, and he focused on learning in his way, but he must also push through any negativity that others use to try to make themselves feel superior, or to doubt his potential, even if it may be well-intentioned in some cases.

We must retain our power of being able to clear the mind, stay focused, and know that we are capable of getting to where we need or want to be. Don’t allow the negativity to steer you off course, or to limit what you are truly capable of.

Redirect your focus onto the larger goal here, whatever that is in your life.

4) Pursue something that challenges you, and stop avoiding it.

One of my favorite things that Oliver says is “What hard and challenging thing are you doing for you that might make you a better you?”

Most of us know that challenge is a part of life, and it doesn’t help you to always seek comfort. You get tougher, stronger, and better by pursuing challenges. But the reason these words were so special is the person who says them.

Oliver was placed in special education as a child and treated abusively. He served over three years of his life in prison because through a lack of knowledge, he didn’t realize that trafficking weapons was a crime. He suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder. He spent most of his life being functionally illiterate. In his own words, reading saved his life.

Perhaps it is cliché to say, but this is a person who seems like he would be a statistic, a cautionary tale. Rather, he has transformed his experiences into an inspiration for the world, and more importantly, he is learning to read so that he can be a better person, and hopefully make progress on his issues and ultimately accomplish his dreams.

When a person with such life experiences speaks to you, even if through a TikTok video, the words shine in a truly meaningful way. He isn’t coming from a place of judgment. Rather, it’s just an honest assessment — if Oliver James is pushing himself to learn to read, then we can all do something that challenges us every day.

Some of his personal challenges include mental health issues, a learning disability, and of course, not knowing how to read well. There is an even more fundamental issue in his life that interfered with his ability to learn to read, but we will discuss that in our next point.

Despite all the challenges he faces every day, he urges his audience to pursue a challenge in their lives and to seek to become better.

Oliver went most of his life avoiding reading, and as soon as he decided to face the challenge head-on, to always keep a book on him, and to stop making excuses, his life began to change. This is the second part of this lesson.

We must stop avoiding that challenging part of our lives that we don’t want to deal with.

This is the part where you may ask – How can I get the courage? Where can I start? Who can help? All of these types of questions are the exact reason it is a challenge. There is no simple road map to show you the way. Don’t you think Oliver went 34 years of his life wondering the same thing? Don’t you think he stopped and wondered who was going to come and help him? In one of his videos, he discusses realizing that no one was coming to save him. He was going to have to do it himself.

In time, he has gained so much support and fans, but it began with him choosing to work on his goals for himself. He stopped trying to avoid and escape the challenge, and instead decided to pursue it. No one else could do that for him.

We should all be willing to dive deep into a challenge in our lives. The deeper we dive in, the more we can grow.

5) Be open, sincere, and honest

In one video, Oliver says “I want to be as real and honest as I can so I can develop into a better person.”

Being honest and truthful has been fundamental in Oliver’s ability to make progress on his reading journey. To make progress at anything, you have to be real with what the situation is. In this case, Oliver was functionally illiterate. He could read some words, and understand things in a very basic way, but up until recently, he didn’t even feel capable of reading a menu in a restaurant.

He has been asked why he didn’t learn to read when he was younger, and his response was surprising, yet honest. He was physically abused when he was in the special education system as a child. The system was more interested in controlling and restraining him than they were in educating him. That abuse made it so Oliver didn’t have the energy to focus on learning to read, or on learning anything for that matter. Instead, he thought of ways he could get expelled so that he didn’t need to be there at all.

As they say, “the truth hurts,” but Oliver was willing to discuss this uncomfortable reality with his audience, because he understands that this is the path to progress. He is not running away from reality. It’s better to be honest with himself and the world.

Many people are interested in Oliver’s journey, as he has over 129,000 followers as I write this. And I believe people are attracted to someone open and sincere about who he is, who he was, and where he wants to go in life. The truth of Oliver’s situation is not all pleasant, but the fact that he is open and honest will help him to find the path to improvement. Likely, his honesty makes his followers want to help him as well

But if we hide from our problems, our insecurities, and our struggles, then we will not grow. If your energy and attention go to covering up your issues rather than shining a light on them and doing something about it, how can you expect to make progress?

Some people want to pretend that they are doing well — that everything in their life is perfect — but if we do that, then at some point our energy goes to maintaining the illusion that things are going well, rather than making improvements in our lives that we need to make. Again, if your focus is on appearing to be doing well, then when are you going to find the time to make real improvements?

Like Oliver, we must learn to be open and truthful about the struggles we are going through, and the problems of our lives. We must have the courage to face the reality of who we are, where we’ve been, and the problems of our lives. That is the only way to make progress.

If you do not want to share your struggles and problems with the world, that is fine. But at least dare to be sincere and truthful with yourself. Stop hiding from it.

6) Love yourself (You have to love yourself)

Oliver says that one of the greatest lessons he learned through his reading journey was that “I have to love myself.”

As many of us do, he likely struggled to love himself because he found it difficult to accept some less favorable aspects of himself or his life. As long as we want to escape who we are, it is difficult to truly love ourselves. It seems that self-love comes from learning self-acceptance. We may work to learn and grow in certain ways, such as becoming a better reader or learning a skill, but it’s also important to see that there is no need to become something that we are not. The core of who we are is fine, and is someone we must love, and is always worthy of love.

Fortunately, Oliver understands that he needs to love himself, and he needs to work on that. He knows that nothing good comes from being too hard on himself.

I hope you understand: We all need to be kind, understanding and accepting of ourselves. A key reason we have to learn to love ourselves is that it’s very difficult to love anyone else if you can’t even love yourself. We must be mindful of the type of energy we are putting into ourselves because that is the same thing we put out into the world.

Yet, even if the world around us seems especially difficult, troubling, or hurtful, we must find a way to love. Remember that we are good inside, we are worthy, beautiful, and with tremendous potential. Perhaps it is difficult to find love for ourselves at times, but we need to work on it. Strive to see yourself in a better light each day. Practice being understanding and forgiving with yourself.

In life, we often crave for someone to love us, to see us as beautiful, smart, or worthy somehow. But the key is to start to see this for yourself. Why wait for someone else to see it when you can work on this yourself? When you see it, your love grows.

I am aware that many, or perhaps most of us go through self-doubt, we think harshly of ourselves in our minds, or we find it hard to let go of mistakes that we made. And part of this is just being human. It’s not easy to completely let go of all negativity, and we can’t expect to accomplish that either. Nonetheless, we must find our way back to Love.

Love is the foundation.

When on the path to bettering yourself, as Oliver is, you have to return to love, because it’s all too easy to be hard on yourself. You try something challenging, and it may not go the way you hoped. Rather than get into self-doubt or self-hatred or excessive negativity, allow the love to flow through you.

7) “Be happy even when you don’t want to be.”

This last life lesson is a tip that Oliver James gave to his son. He appears to be giving parenting advice, but I believe this is advice that we all need to hear. If anything, the adults need to hear this more than the children.

Oliver says, “One of the keys to staying young and feeling happy is to be happy even when you don’t want to be. When you feel frustrated, when you don’t feel good, you don’t feel happy with the decision that you have to make… try your best inside to still be happy.”

My way of thinking of his advice is that this is how happiness is created in the world. If you are only happy when the situation is good, then that is expected. It is easy — no energy or effort has been required from you. However….

If you can be happy or strive to see the good in situations that are not the best, then you are creating happiness in your own life. You are making it happen.

Many of us may have a difficult time understanding this advice, and that is because to get to the point of striving to be happy even when you don’t feel it, you must understand that happiness or your state of mind is not always occurring due to outside events. We have some control over our thoughts, and with that, we also influence our emotions.

Don’t wait for happiness to come to you. Make it happen.

If you are on your way to work, and someone rear-ends your vehicle and they cause some damage, then you have the choice as to how you think about this.

Most people may get upset and believe that someone distracted on their phone probably hit them, and then the insurance isn’t going to cover this because it’s not that much damage anyway, but it’s still going to be expensive, and they’re going to be late for work, and the boss isn’t going to be happy, and so forth.

But if you practice striving to be happy even when the circumstances are not the best, you can get to the point where you may react differently.

You may react with concern for the other driver, and make sure that everyone is okay. You may realize that as long as everyone is okay, that is what is important here. You can always find a way to pay for any damage that you need to, or you can simply continue to drive the vehicle even with the damage, and life will go on. You can also decide that even if you are late for work and the boss doesn’t understand that you have a reason for it, then perhaps it was time to find a better boss and job anyhow.

How do you think these different ways of thinking and reacting will influence your emotions and your happiness? Don’t take my word for it. See if you can change the way you think about negative events in your life. Then see how that influences your happiness or your emotions and well-being.

The trick is to practice being happy even when the situation seems to be an unhappy one. Practice this, then when someone rear-ends your car one day, you will find a way to be happy through it.

Think about it — so many of us want happiness in this life, but what are we doing to actually work on it? Are we putting in the effort to be happy even when there is a mild inconvenience? If the slightest problem is enough to make you feel unhappy, sad, or moody, then this is something worth working on.

I won’t ask you to pretend to be happy, as that is not what this piece of advice is about. It’s about making an inner effort to see that most things in life are not worth feeling unhappy about. You have so much going for you in this life that you just need to open your eyes to it and see it and be grateful for it. Be happy with what is — don’t allow yourself to become unhappy because something didn’t go the way you wanted.

Oliver James was functionally illiterate for 34 years of his life. He doesn’t allow that fact to make him an unhappy and bitter person. He is working on changing things and improving every day. That is all he can do. We can’t expect any more than that.

This month, or likely this year, I will be working on putting all of these bits of advice into practice in my life. I hope that you do this too.

If Oliver is doing it, why can’t you? What is stopping you? As I said in my prior post, every moment presents a choice. What choices are you making?

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I didn’t want to crowd the post above with too many links. Below are some resources you may wish to check out:

Oliver James’ TikTok channel - A TikTok account is NOT required

365 Quotes to Live Your Life By - Oliver began his reading journey with this book

Good Morning America (ABC) - Oliver James shares his story with the world

Oliver James’ video - this is one of my favorite motivational clips

Oliver James’ video - this is one of my favorite clips that includes 365 Quotes to Live Your Life By

The Unknowing Teacher

Today’s post is an excerpt from my book, 7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By: A Guide to the Happy, Peaceful, & Meaningful Life.

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The Unknowing Teacher is something that many of us have in our lives and fail to be grateful for. This is someone who teaches you but without meaning to. Usually, this person isn’t a teacher by profession, and they are not teaching you specific lessons on purpose. Instead, they teach you based on the poor decisions that they have made in their lives, and you are the one who gets to see the results of those choices.

When we see people who have made poor choices in their lives, we can see why they now have a bad situation in life. They retired too young, and now they are broke; they ignored their children, and now those children have grown to become criminals; they took everything personally, and now they are perpetually unhappy; they drank every weekend instead of pursuing their dreams, and now their life is filled with regret.

The unknowing teacher teaches us a lot about what we should not do, how we should not live, and what to avoid in our lives. Such a person is a great resource to have and to witness because sometimes we need a reminder of where the bad paths in life will lead us. Be grateful for these people when you see them and learn from their example.

If someone very close to you is an unknowing teacher – perhaps a parent or a sibling, do not feel sorry for yourself. Simply through your everyday exposure to such a person, you will be able to immunize yourself from leading the same type of life. You will see all the bad behaviors that lead to negative outcomes and learn that this is not the life for you.

Remember this: Heed the lessons of the unknowing teacher carefully, or risk becoming one yourself.

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7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By is available on Amazon, Google Play, Apple, Kobo, and Barnes & Noble, and other retailers.

5 Lessons I Learned or Re-Learned this Year

Introduction

As we near the end of the year, sometimes I become more reflective, asking myself if the year went well. Did things go as well as I had hoped? Could I have done something more? Could I have worked smarter or more effectively?

This year, I think we all have been forced to think about what we truly value in this life. For most of us, we have felt some form of hardship. There have been lost lives of loved ones, economic struggles, loneliness, and added stress for many. The troubles are many, but what can we learn from them? That is what matters.

Here is what I learned (or re-learned) this year:

1.     Truly Value Every Day

I am not immune from everyday problems. I can also find myself in arguments over trivial matters, or losing touch with the present moment, or forgetting what is truly important sometimes. The journey is always unfolding and not a direct path to anywhere. There are bumps along the way, and we need to keep going, keep moving toward improving and becoming something better.

Whatever this experience is that we are having, that is the same for all, yet different for all, is worth it. We need to live every day with consciousness, with a will to do something for ourselves and others. Our everyday decisions seem so minor and inconsequential at times, but the impact can be major. Collect all those minor, seemingly inconsequential moments of humanity, and they mean something when they are all put together.

For example, one person’s loneliness makes you feel like you don’t matter. But imagine the collective loneliness of humanity, and you see that we are together in this. Upon realizing that he is part of a larger collective loneliness, the loneliest person in the world may be motivated to help alleviate this suffering in his fellow humans.

There is tremendous value in every single day. Every day is a gift, and I aim to see it for what it is. Suffering can seem like a big burden, a curse, but even this is a gift. Suffering is what connects all of humanity. We have all suffered in some way, and so we should all aim to help each other when we can. Rather than running from the suffering, it can be worthwhile to connect with it and reflect on it and see that it can help us to build some bridges with one another in this life.

When I was younger, at times, I felt that I was suffering tremendously (e.g., mental, not physical pain) and that I was alone. I wish I would have spoken to someone about this back then. Many people in my life would have listened, but I kept it as my own burden. But that suffering has helped me connect with and help people, so it has been a blessing in that sense.

When I help others, I can see clearly that whatever I have suffered was nothing in the grand scheme.

Sometimes I think about my youth or the young people I have known, and it is so obvious to me that we do not truly understand all that we have during that time in our life. In your youth, you have all your energy, all the time, love, and no true responsibility of your own. Yet, our young people often have no true understanding of all they have been given, of the work and trouble it takes to support them. They have no idea of what they have and will not understand until they double in age. Even at my age (35), sometimes I wonder if I will not truly have the perspective to know what I have in this very moment until I am much older. How will I truly comprehend what I have until I am on the verge of losing it?

But rather than focus too much on that, I return to the concept that we must value the day, the now, what we have, right now. Aim to see it for what it is, the greatest glory that we could be bestowed with. Even if all seems wrong, you are here. That means something. You have the chance to do something, to turn it all around, to experience one more moment, and the next, and the next.

2.     The Right Moment is Now (Usually)

Often, I will find myself planning things out for the future. I may think: One day, I want to travel, to read all the books I would like, to tell people what I truly wanted to tell them, to write that novel, and so on. I have had all these thoughts, yet instead of waiting too long or daydreaming about it too much, I ended up jumping in and doing these things.

Through my college years and in graduate school, I always wanted to read books for fun, but I felt that I never had the time. This was a lie – I could have read more. When I finished graduate school, I decided that I finally had the time, and since then, I have read about 40-50 books per year. I’m sure I could find the time to read even more, but I have been happy with this. Now, I make an effort to read the right books, rather than focusing too much on the number. I realized that I could always make the excuse that I didn’t have the time to read the books I wanted, but if this was what I truly wanted to do, then I must make time for it now.

As another example, my wife always wanted to live in Europe, so rather than wait for the right time, in 2018-2019, she accepted a position working in France. I didn’t know French at all, and my wife had an intermediate level in the language but had not studied it for many, many years. We could have tried waiting for the right time, and it may have never come. Instead, she applied for jobs, she was accepted, and we went. We had fantastic experiences there, and bad ones too, just like with anything else in life. But at least we went. We went even though we could have waited for a better time. But if we did, we may have never gone.

I have countless stories like this – where I considered waiting to do something, but instead, I decided the time was Now, and I just did it. Often, my plans were just stories I made up in my mind to feel better about something. Think of any plans you’ve ever made that involved years into the future. Did those usually go the way you expected? Or did new things come up that interfered with those plans, time and again?

In my life, I have learned over, and over that often, we are just making excuses and waiting for a later and later time. Of course, we should probably engage in some form of planning and thinking about our life’s decisions. But often, we may just be scared to make a leap. The truth is if we keep waiting for that right time, it may never come.

If you can do it Now, do it Now. Whatever it may be that your heart is set on doing.

Of course, the world as it is now, for many of us, the time is NOT now. We all have to make our own choices in the end. For some, now is the time to take risks and do everything you ever wanted to do. For others, this is the time to be careful and stay safe. Perhaps there is a way to stay safe and still make progress on your dreams.

In essence, what I want to say is that you should not wait until tomorrow to enjoy the day. Find a way to make the best of today, for it may be all we have.

(If you do decide to take some risks, please be mindful of the point below.)

3.     What if Everyone Did What I Was About to Do? What Would Happen?

This is a Thought that has run through my head more than ever this year. Often, I see people take action, and I wonder if they would have done this if they had just taken a moment to consider what the world would be like if everyone behaved that way.

This is a Thought that can be used to help you take better actions that help more people. And also to help avoid taking hurtful or negative actions that could hurt more people.

If you watch or read the news, you will often hear about people in the world who are hurting others. And some of this is malicious, but some of this may happen just because people do not stop and consider: What if everyone did this? An example is littering. When someone on the streets tosses a cigarette butt, or a soda can, or anything else, many of us may fail to see how this matters in the grand scheme. But humans follow the behavior of others quite closely. If a parent does this, then his kids probably will, too, perhaps even his neighbors. If everyone did this, the streets would be filled with so much trash and make our cities look like public waste bins.

This thought (What if everyone did what I was about to do?) helped me become a more sociable person. Being sociable is not so difficult. If you keep other people in mind, then you will quickly improve your social skills. Perhaps when you are in a group, you like to take charge and lead the way. That is fine, but what if everyone behaved this way? It would be difficult to have fun if everyone wanted to lead the way, right? So perhaps, instead of assuming you are the leader and making decisions, you could propose something and see if people agree. You could still lead, just not in a forceful or intimidating way.

Some basic questions you can ask in different situations are:

• If everyone did this, how happy would we be?

• If everyone did this, how much suffering would this cause?

• If everyone did this, how much would we accomplish?

• If everyone did this, how many lives would be lost?

• If everyone did this, would it be helpful or hurtful?

4.     Love is What Matters

The bonds we have are not to be taken for granted. We need to remember to connect with the most important people in our lives. Day by day, these bonds can grow or recede, but they rarely stay static.

When we have love, we are alive, but we aren’t just meant to have it, but also to give it, spread it, and nurture it.

The greatest pain of our lives is when our love is lost. Either a relationship ending, or of course, a death. This is sending us a clear signal that out of all the things we worked on and strived for in our lives if we didn’t have love, then we didn’t have much.

That pain is only there to remind us of how much that love truly mattered.

One of the best feelings to have that can transcend any tactile sensation is to have love. Love is not just the joy of being cared for but also the joy of caring about someone. When you are cared for and loved, you naturally have more time and attention to love others.

When you can connect to the common experience of joy, pain, laughter, loss, sorrow, desire, and apprehension, you then can love. So if you are human, even if you have never known love, you already have it in you, as this is something that can never be taken away, the will, need desire for, and power to love.

Pay attention to the ones you love, and further, pay attention to that feeling of love. When we do this, we see that we could do more. Make the time for that person asking for your love. It could be anyone that shows up in your life today. It may even be everyone.

Perhaps everyone who crosses paths with you today, intentional or not, was just there to ask for your love.

They may all cloak themselves, hiding their true intention, to get your love, making up other reasons that they need to see you, but perhaps, that was the one true reason. How will you respond to them?

I have been making efforts to stop the bounds and limits of my love. When I see someone that needs it, I hope I am there. I hope you see this too and can expand in your love.

In another post titled The Path to a True and Fruitful Life, I also discuss the importance of love.

5.     Make Your Own Path

In my business, I often think that I should do something because it is what most other writers or business people are doing. Yet time and again, I find that I am pleased to create my own path. This way, if I make mistakes, they are my own, and I learn from them. Nothing terrible has ever happened to me. I write, publish, promote, learn, and grow, and that is all. The rest are the details.

Something I have come to understand through the years is that I don’t like to promote. This often happens for writers, as they usually prefer to write. I am the same. I recognize the need for promotion – I do it, but I aim to spend the least amount of time that I can on this. I wish to do it effectively and quickly, and that is all. I have developed systems over the years to help accomplish this.

I prefer to spend my time writing, learning, growing, loving, and spreading my messages in multiple languages so that more people can benefit from what I have to say. There is only so much time and energy to put into a day. Ask yourself if you truly believe in what you are doing. When I promote too much and invest too much time in that, I feel like I have wasted my time because I have not contributed something new and useful to the world.

Are there activities like that in your life? Can you do them less and still get the positive results you need while minimizing the time you spend on them?

The point here is this:

Don’t feel that you must follow a certain path. Define yourself as you would like to be. Create your own route that only you will go on, that no one else could imitate.

When I was a young child, people always told me that I looked like my father, and perhaps at that time, I thought I was him or destined to be like him. Other times, people confused my brother and me as twins (we were close in age and similar in size, but we looked different, actually). So I was often compared to someone else. Then in time, I realized that I was my own person and that I needed to pave my own path.

Life isn’t as fun, or meaningful living in another’s shadow – you have to find your own way. Be willing to accept help or guidance, but in the end, the choices you make are your own.

If you would like to learn more about my path, or My Purpose Journey, read here.

Concluding Thoughts

This year, I learned or re-learned the following:

• Truly value every day

• The right moment is now (usually)

• The value of thinking: What if everyone did what I was about to do? What would happen?

• Love is what matters

• Make your own path

These are some of the most important lessons that have come to me this year. I hope you take the time to reflect on what you learned this year and what you can improve next year.

Lessons Learned From Playing Chess (Part 2)

Introduction

I have learned countless life lessons from the game of chess. In yesterday’s post, I shared 5 of them. Today, I would like to continue sharing 5 more of these lessons with you. I hope that you find some of these useful. Perhaps these lessons will help you in chess, in life, or with both.

Recently, it seems chess is back in the minds of many people. I understand that Netflix’s TV show The Queen’s Gambit has helped with this. But the game has been alive and well for quite a long time. There is something about this game that can draw you in, deeper and deeper if you allow it. And I suppose many people will be experiencing that now.

Here are 5 more chess lessons I would like to share with you:

6. Calculate and predict

In chess, when you are learning, it seems impossible to predict anything. It just feels like you make a random move, then your opponent makes a random move, and you hope for the best. For a beginner who has played many games already, the goal may become to avoid “hanging” a piece, which means to allow your opponent to take it for free.

The idea of calculating several moves into the future can seem to be too much, at first anyway. In time, however, you get used to having visions where you can predict quite easily what the most likely reactions will be to your moves. If nothing else, you should be able to guess pretty well what the top 2 or 3 most likely reactions will be. Then, as you gain experience, you will start to intuitively know that if you make one move, your opponent will probably react this way, then you will probably react with this move in response, and so forth.

This can be a tremendous skill to develop in our everyday lives. Any time you see someone do something foolish, they probably did not think about what the consequence was going to be. But for everything we do in life, you choose your action, and then either the environment or another person will react somehow to your original action. With some thought or practice in thinking about consequences, we can start to see chains of likely actions and reactions in our minds.

There is great value in learning to think more deeply and not just settling on thinking about the most likely consequence. Instead, think about the next reaction, and the next reaction to that, and the next one. How deep can you go?

7.   Make a worthy sacrifice

As you grow in experience, one of the most exciting times in chess is to make a sacrifice that ends up being well worth it. Usually, you will need to calculate ahead or at least understand the game well enough to see that you will gain some initiative or advantage by sacrificing a piece. The biggest sacrifice a player may make is to give up the queen. Usually, this is not done unless you are sure that you will checkmate the opponent and win the game.

In life, too, there are times to make sacrifices, and similar principles apply. We have to ask ourselves if a certain sacrifice we make will ultimately be worth it in the end. For some of us, sacrifice may be too strong of a word. Instead, you can consider times when you have chosen to give something up to gain something later. Life can be more complex because sometimes we may give up our free time to accomplish important life goals. The rewards for this may not come until later in the future, in many cases.

In chess, however, you will find out in the course of a game whether your sacrifices were worthy or not. In the game, you must think, plan, and calculate. If you do not do this properly, you may sacrifice something without gaining anything for it in return.

Chess has shown me that in life, we must think carefully about what we are giving up. Is it truly worth it? Are you making sacrifices and hoping for them to pay off? Or are have you properly planned, thought it through, and calculated so that you can be more confident that you will make great gains for anything you have given up?

8. Executive decision-making

In chess, when you reach a certain level (perhaps intermediate), you understand that you should form candidate moves. This means that you look for 2-3 top moves that are worth considering more deeply. When you have these moves, then eventually, you must make your executive decision. This is a decision you must live with, whether good or bad, because you cannot take it back.

This idea of seeking candidate moves in real life is something that I have been doing lately. Some people like to find a path that makes sense, and then they move forward without looking back. However, at least for important life decisions, I think it does make a lot of sense to pick several high-level options to examine more closely. From those candidate options, you can imagine yourself making those decisions and then consider if you would look forward to the probable outcomes that they could lead to.

Actually, even for simple life decisions, it can sometimes be interesting to develop multiple candidate options. Want to see a movie? Try picking 3 options and then narrow it down to one. Or, if you want to go out to have some fun, consider multiple options such as bowling, billiards, and dancing before you select one. This strategy can be advantageous if you are making a group choice to help make sure that most of you are satisfied.

9. Improvement seeking

“When you see a good move, look for a better one” - Emanuel Lasker (former World Chess Champion)

I will admit that when playing chess, I sometimes became obsessive about looking for a better move. When I was 18-22 years old, I enjoyed using the Chessmaster software, and I would sometimes spend a great deal of time reflecting on which move I would make. I always thought – perhaps there is a better move I haven’t considered yet.

Of course, we need to be mindful of time management, as I discussed in yesterday’s post. We don’t always have the liberty to spend all the time looking for a better move. Often, it is more important to make a good move than it is to make the best one.

Regardless of how much I tried to find the best moves, I would often analyze my games with Chessmaster, and the program would point out that inevitably I had missed something. For virtually every game, there would be an excellent move that I had not even considered.

In real life, I began to pay more attention to my life decisions, big or small. Sometimes even after making a decision, I would continue to reflect on whether there had been a better option available to me. Through deep thinking, I realized that quite often, perhaps daily even, there was some better action I could have taken. There was a better move that I had missed. Even when I made all good moves, there was still something I had missed.

I could never make all the best moves. Even if I made a great decision, perhaps there was an even better one that I had not considered, at least not until after I had already made it.

I don’t think it’s worth obsessing too much over every move we make. However, it did make an impact on me after I realized that there is probably always a better move I could have made. The awareness that there is always a better move, in chess and especially in life, made a great impact on me. I realized that no matter how desperate or difficult a situation may seem, there is always a better move to make that has not occurred to me yet. Knowing this can give you hope in any situation. There is some great move left to find, but you have to search deeper.

10. Choose your own style

The interesting thing about chess is that there are many different styles that we can play in. Most people have their own distinctive way of playing chess. If I had to reflect on my style, I would say that I like to keep many options open. I like my pieces on squares where they can have the best range of motion. They can defend or attack as needed. I try to create as many possibilities to attack as possible. Often, I pursue gradual advantages, and I hope to overwhelm the opponent eventually, as they get themselves into a position where it is tough to find a good move.

In my opinion, I am fairly balanced. I will evaluate my position, but also the position of my opponent. My goals are important to me, but I will also try to get into the opponent’s mind to see their goals. I will try to figure out what they are thinking, based on their move choice.

I suppose my style is a bit psychological. If I can make a move that I think could make them uncomfortable, I will do it. For example, I may force them to make a move that compromises their king’s safety. I may make moves that force them to retreat when it is clear that they wanted to build up an attack. Whatever I think the opponent wants to do, I will aim to counteract it. Although it isn’t my main goal, if I see a tricky move that may trap them, I will definitely consider playing it.

I also value timing very much. Generally, I will not attempt a big attack unless I feel that I have a great position to do so. I often ask if it is the right time or position to implement a specific plan.

When it comes to defense, I aim to be impenetrable. I like to have every piece and pawn defended at all times, but I am willing to let go of some pawns if it helps me to build up a strong attack. A common strategy I use is to allow the opponent to take my pawns while I build a stronger and stronger attack.

Life is not so different than chess. At the end of the day, we have to choose how active or passive we want to be. How direct or how crafty. Just because someone else’s style works for them does not mean it will work for you.

But I believe the way we play chess is interesting because it may reflect how we live our lives. When I was younger, I truly did not want to lose. I prefer a draw to a loss. I would sometimes actually pursue a draw. I would guard against everything my opponent did very carefully, not allowing them to gain advantages. Sometimes I could defend against better players that way, frustrating them. If I played against a higher-level opponent, I actively tried to make the experience miserable for them. Rather than really going for the win, I just dragged out the game.

Now, I prefer to avoid draws. I like to go for the win if possible. However, if there is no way to gain an advantage, I will take the draw. Also, I enjoy novelty in the game. I prefer to look for new ideas and moves that can puzzle my opponent. Since I play blitz (rapid games), moves that surprise my opponent can cause them to have to stop and think. And the more time they take on a move, the more likely they are to lose as the clock timer runs down.

In real life, if someone is competing with you and gaining an advantage, consider giving them a tricky or strange problem to deal with, possibly even causing a diversion. This can buy you some time and help you to get caught up.

Chess is interesting because you can choose your style. You can even change it or adapt it if you wish. The same is true in life. Is your style working for you, or is it time to change it? Or do you prefer to be unpredictable, developing a style where your opponent can never figure you out?

Final Thoughts

As a quick review of some of the lessons in today’s post, ask yourself these questions:

• Am I calculating or predicting what my actions will lead to? Have I considered the likely reactions and then the likely reactions to that?

• What am I sacrificing or giving up in this life? Will the benefits be greater than the costs?

• When I have a tough choice, am I coming up with good “candidate moves” that I could make? Then, do I think them through deeply so that I can make the best executive decision?

• When I see a good move or action, am I taking the time to look for better possibilities?

• What is my style or approach to life problems that come up? Is it working? Should I experiment with a different style?
  

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Additional Chess Resources for Chess Players

• I play chess for free on Chess.com and also via the app called Chess Free on my Android phone.

• My favorite Chess YouTube channel is Agadmator’s.

• For any intermediate (or beyond) chess players, my favorite opening that I have played for years is The Curry Opening - the main resource for this is Win at Chess by Ronald Curry. As a beginner, I enjoyed The King’s Indian Attack / Defence.

• While I do not own it, I am curious about Think Like a Grandmaster by Alexander Kotov - and I’ve heard great things about it.

• For a novel that incorporates chess, check out The Flanders Panel by Arturo Perez-Reverte, a book that was gifted to me by friend Arthur.

• And you have probably heard of the popular The Queen’s Gambit TV show. If you have Netflix, I recommend watching it.

Lessons Learned From Playing Chess (Part 1)

Introduction

There is a lot to learn from chess. Importantly, much of what you learn in chess can transfer beyond the game itself and into life. If you enjoy the game, I hope you read this post. And even if you do not play, I hope you still read this – you may be encouraged to learn the game or teach your kids or grandkids how to play. And, of course, you may be able to absorb some of the lessons mentioned here without needing to actually play chess.

I have enjoyed the game of chess for quite a long time. I first learned the rules of the game at around 14 years old. I played occasionally from there, but I didn’t begin to truly learn the game until I was around 18 years old. I got very interested in the game then and began to play online more often. From around 18-22 years old, I enjoyed using Chessmaster, a computer program to play and get better at chess. I listened to most of Josh Waitzkin’s videos on there – he was excellent at explaining useful thought processes and strategies. I also read some books and did tactics training to improve.

Although I do not have an official rating, I believe my level of play is at around an 1800 FIDE rating. According to Chess.com, I’m roughly in the top 5% of chess players.

By the way, Josh Waitzkin wrote a book called The Art of Learning, which I deeply enjoyed reading. If you are interested in learning how to learn from someone who has mastered multiple fields, the book is worth checking out.

Let’s proceed with some of the lessons I have learned from playing chess:

1.     Fundamentals

Every sport or game usually has certain fundamentals that you must master and truly understand to ever get good. Chess is the same – some of the fundamentals are that you should aim to control the center, not move the same piece twice in the opening, and protect your king. Also, you should not bring out your queen (the most powerful piece) too early. There are many rules like this in life as well. They can be broken, but only if you are good at evaluating the risks and if you truly know what you are doing (both in chess and life).

In life, there are many fundamentals that we must stick to if we hope to lead our best life. A fundamental thought for me has been to only focus on what I can control. With this fundamental thought, I have been able to let go of the things in life that are completely irrelevant. Even if something is important, if I have no control over it, there is no point in worrying about it. Most of the key fundamentals in life focus on the mind, body, or spiritual side.

2.     Discipline

I have no idea as to the number of hours I have spent on chess. In the past, it was not unusual for me to spend hours on the game every day. These days, I may spend 10 minutes on chess per day, although I don’t play every day. When I play, it is usually just for fun – I do not put much effort into improving my game. Perhaps I have reached my peak, as to improve my abilities at this point would require rigorous study. Keep in mind that the better you get at something, the more work it requires to improve. When you are a novice, you can improve rapidly in a short period of time.

From around 18-22 years old, I would play through my games slowly and thoughtfully, and if I lost a game, I would study it carefully to see what I did wrong. I listened to many videos by Masters or Grandmasters (e.g., the highest possible chess title). I read books, and I studied different aspects of the game. I enjoyed the journey toward getting better at chess. To me, this was all for fun. Perhaps I am strange in this way, but I recall being willing to spend a great deal of time thinking through a single move. I wanted to make sure that I had not failed to see some spectacular possibilities. I attempted to consider practically every move. My natural way was often to think deliberately and carefully, even in real life. However, in real life, people often get fed up – they value quick decision-making. But in the game, and perhaps in real life, I wanted to make the best move, no matter what it cost me in time. Then for the games I lost, I would check on the mistakes I had made. In real life, if I made mistakes, I would also think about what I could have done better.

The key learning experience here was the value of discipline. Getting better at chess is a long, long road. To improve will require some form of discipline. For those who want to improve rapidly, they may get discouraged. Most players hit a wall, where it gets challenging to improve beyond a certain point. Again, to push through this requires discipline.

As I was putting great effort into my chess skills, I sometimes asked my opponents online how long they had been playing. I still remember one grueling game I played against a worthy opponent. It was a closed, difficult position. I felt like I was playing against myself, as he had a similar play style. We both played slow, calculating, not offering up any opportunities to the opponent. Neither of us made obvious mistakes, but neither of us had made any risky, ambitious moves either. There was a lot of tension, but it was difficult to gain an advantage. I ended up narrowly winning, surprising myself. I had only been playing seriously for a couple of years at that point. I asked him how long he had played. He said fifteen years. I was starting to realize that there was great value in approaching chess (or anything) with true discipline.

Discipline is about putting in the work every day, or at least regularly so that you can improve.

3.     Challenge yourself

In any game or life situation, sometimes we want to take the easy route. However, it will often be much more valuable to present ourselves with some form of challenge. When I was beginning to take chess more seriously, I got to a point where I felt more comfortable going up against players at the same level over and over (perhaps a 1200 rating). I had gradually improved, and I beat these players consistently after a while, but I kept playing them again and again.

In time, I realized that my skills had stagnated. I wasn’t going up against players that presented me with challenges. Rather, these players tended to make big mistakes at some point, and then I would end up being able to win without much effort.

When I realized that I was not improving, I made it a point to always search for players who would challenge me. At a minimum, I needed to play against someone who was roughly at my own level. But ideally, I should also occasionally seek out players who were significantly better than me.

You learn much more from people who present you with challenges.

I met a player back then (in my early years of taking chess seriously) who actually made me anxious in the first few moves of the game. He always played in a high pressured, threatening way, even from the first few moves. I rose to the challenge and played him again and again - we met weekly. I never beat him, but one time I gained an advantage… and then lost it. His father was a Master, and he was an excellent player himself. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a Master as well by now.

Another time, I was playing against a seasoned player – he was a retired psychology professor. I’m not sure of his rating, but I recall that he always wanted to play on a 5-minute timer, and I had agreed. With this setup, he always beat me. One day, I told him that I needed more time to think. I asked him if we could play on a 10-minute timer. He agreed to give me the 10-minute timer, and he would continue to play with just 5 minutes on his timer. He allowed me an advantage in this way – perhaps he had gotten tired of beating me every time. Something strange happened then. With this new setup, I started beating him in most of our games. I always thought he was better than me, but it turned out he was just a good quick player. With a bit more time, perhaps I was better.

The point is that I had trained myself not to be worried when I played better players. I think the best sportsmanship is to take pride in your games against higher-level opponents. Pay close attention to the way they play or, when it comes to life, the way that they strategize or choose to take action. What can you learn from them, even if you are in competition? If you see that they are doing something better than you, absorb it and add it to your repertoire of thoughts, actions, and habits.

4.     Time management

For the past 10 years or so, rather than playing slow games where I think extremely long and deliberately on a single move, I have preferred quick games. In chess, we call these blitz games. Usually, these days, I play on a 3-minute timer. This means I have 3 minutes to make all of my moves. If I take any longer, I lose the game. Of course, if my opponent takes longer than 3 minutes, then he would lose. With this timer, time management is key.

Taking 30 seconds on a single move is way too much with a 3-minute timer. This means that for most moves, it is worth going with my first gut reaction. If I have to calculate something, I should aim to simplify the problem to solve it quickly. With the 3 minute timer, it’s important to have an intuition for which moves are not worth considering, so I do not need to waste time thinking through them. Also, if I am down to two moves that seem good and similar in strength, I should probably choose one quickly rather than take too much time to find the best move.

In real life, we come across similar circumstances where you may need to make a very quick decision. Sometimes, there are great costs if you take too much time to arrive at your solution. For example, perhaps you have twenty tasks that need to get done at your workplace. If you take too much time doing one task, your boss will be mad, and you may fall further and further behind on your duties.

Some people are very quick, intuitive thinkers, and so it may appear that they do not need to worry much about time management. However, even for such thinkers, they should still consider using their time in the best way. If you arrive at a reasonable solution in 10 seconds, that is great. But what if you could have come to a decision 10 times better if you had only decided to think it through for a couple of minutes?

5.     Evolving Priorities

In chess, there are so many aspects of the game that can be difficult to prioritize. Our thinking must evolve to a higher level to be able to manage the competing goals properly. The key challenge is that the priorities evolve during the game. At the beginning of a game, you want to develop your pieces properly. In the middle, you want to develop a plan. In the end, you want to capitalize on any advantages you worked hard to attain.

An experienced player should see a position and quickly be able to figure out what the priorities are. For a new player, prioritizing may seem like an overwhelming task. Still, for the seasoned player they will understand where the threats are, which pieces are properly developed and which are not, whether the kings are safe, and whether there are tactical possibilities (or move combinations that can force an advantage).

Again, at first, these types of ideas can seem conflicting and even overwhelming. But in time with experience, we develop a natural feeling for the priorities. When we are learning, a common flaw is to forget about the king’s safety. But for good players, they always keep king safety in mind. If your king is not safe, you are very likely to lose the game. In fact, the game's final objective is to checkmate the king, meaning that he has nowhere to go.

Chess doesn’t involve static priorities. Sure, king safety is always pretty important. But what if you have secured your king very well, and he is very well defended? Then, shouldn’t you prioritize something else rather than worrying too much about the king? Yes, you probably should. As you play a game, the priorities can shift.

As I play, I tend to ask myself questions such as:

• What is the greatest weakness in my opponent’s position?

• What is the greatest weakness in my position?

• What move helps take advantage of their weakness, or to protect mine, or both?

• What is their plan? And if it is a good plan, can I stop it?

My thoughts are somewhat open and flexible, as the priorities for me will be different, depending on the position on the board.

This may be the case with life too. For anyone’s life situation, the priorities may be different. My priorities as a married 35-year-old without children are probably different than someone my age who does have children. And they are probably different than a 65-year-old’s, or than a 15-year-old’s.

Final Thoughts

Today, I would like you to use the above chess lessons to reflect on your life by asking these questions:

1. Am I sticking to the fundamentals in my life?

2. Am I being disciplined about the important goals in my life?

3. Am I properly challenging myself?

4. Am I managing my time well?

5. Am I prioritizing well, depending on my current situation?

In tomorrow’s post, I will cover 5 more lessons I learned from playing chess.

What I Learned from Billy Joel

In my last years of high school (when I was around 16-17 years old), I discovered Billy Joel’s music more deeply. Most people know about Uptown Girl and Piano Man, but he has performed such a great range of music that these are just scratching the surface. Today, I would like to review what I learned from listening to Billy Joel’s music.

My Life

This was probably the song I listened to most during high school. The message of My Life is quite simple. The people around you will try to guide you in this or that direction, but you must forge your own path at the end of the day. You are the one who must live with your decisions, not someone else.

Many things in life can be learned quite easily, but they are not truly grasped until you experience the message in many different ways. In listening to this over and over, I felt energized through the music. It felt refreshing to see that I was going to figure out my own life, however easy or hard this may be, and at the end of the day, I would be responsible for my own choices.

I think I just longed to be fully free and on my own, even though I had no idea what that would truly mean. With that freedom, whatever mistakes I may make, I would make them and get through them, and this was just a natural consequence of living out my own life. I would rather make my own mistakes than make someone else’s, trying to live out their dream.

Big Shot

Another song I listened to many times was Big Shot. Basically, this is about the dangers of always needing to appear to be better than everyone else. This song made me think about how we often worry too much about what other people think. Then in caring too much about this, we want to impress them so that they think we are greater than we actually are. We tend to become obsessed with having the appearance of greatness rather than actually attaining greatness.

Since this song showcases the dangers of trying to be too much of a big shot, I realized it was much better to be humble and to strive to be whatever it is I wanted to be, rather than to go for it for the sake of appearing to be something. To do that would only lead to emptiness.

This is not a lesson that is gathered all at once, but one that can be arrived at by listening to this song over and over, by contemplating the message, and by reflecting on one’s own life motivations. Are you doing what you do for the credit? For the positive reactions, you expect to get? Or because it actually matters to you?

All About Soul

This song indicates some deeper feeling that we sometimes can get if we find the right partner (or perhaps a bond that could happen with anyone). We may arrive at a point where we can sense things in each other without the need for words to express them. You may sense trouble, or emotions, or even a deep need that someone has.

Again, as I was 16-17 years old when I listened to this song, this was quite a deep message to me. I had always thought we needed things to be explicit and openly stated for them to be real. Yet here, Billy Joel was hinting at the idea that there was a deeper, more profound, intuitive way of knowing.

Listening to this song made me realize that it could be worthwhile to explore this deeper soul or deeper feeling that perhaps we all have. In general, this may be something that we haven’t properly explored or even developed.

We Didn’t Start the Fire.

I heard a legend somewhere that an American History teacher told his students to forget about the class textbook. Rather, they could learn everything stated in the song We Didn’t Start the Fire, and with this, they should get a good grade on the final exam. I wish I had had that teacher – I may have actually learned something.

Much of the era he is describing in We Didn’t Start the Fire happened before I was born, and so I never did get all of the references, but still, I found the song fascinating. You can’t help but get the message that there have always been tremendous problems throughout history and likely always will be.

If you don’t know your history, it’s easy to feel like you are in a unique position that has never happened in all of human history. And of course, part of this is true, as there is always something new happening. Yet much of what is already happening is just recycled and pops up in a modified form. It’s new, but it’s still old.

Perhaps it’s true we didn’t start the fire, but it seems we will all keep it burning.

Pressure

I did not give this song much of my focus until I got to college. Pressure is not the most aesthetically pleasing song out there, but what is interesting to me is that the song itself does brilliantly capture the feeling of being pressured near your breaking point and being fully overwhelmed.

When the pressure is so great, and you don’t know what to do, how can you handle it?

The main message here is that we can run or do whatever we want to get away from the pressure, but it will find us nonetheless. The best we can do is learn to manage our own feelings about it. There comes a time when there is no other way but to get through it on your own. Personally, I have found that there is great value in learning to get through the pressure. It’s always there or ready to pop up somehow, so this is something we have to learn to deal with.

Other Songs

There are other songs that I listened to many, many times and that left some impression on me, but I don’t have too much to say about them. I’m not sure how to put in words the lessons or impressions that I gathered from them. Nothing beats just listening.

Those songs are Keeping the Faith, Only the Good Die Young, Tell Her About It, Piano Man, She’s Always a Woman, Just the Way You Are, and Allentown. Sometimes I just liked the song. Sometimes I may have gathered a different message than he intended. Sometimes I may have just absorbed the feeling, and it didn’t matter the words used.

By the way, I purposely didn’t mention any lyrics for legal reasons. Also, if you are interested in understanding what I have said here more deeply, I fully recommend listening to the songs on YouTube, Spotify, or wherever you prefer to listen to your music.

What is It That No One Else is Willing to Do?

My father has said that he made a successful career because he did what no one else was willing to do. In his case, he works long hours outside, leaving the house at sunrise and coming back after dark. Usually, this includes weekends too.

As another example, Bobby Fischer, arguably the best chess player of all time, was up against the best Russian chess players in the 1960s. At that time, the Russians were dominant in chess, and no one seemed to offer them much of a challenge. No American seemed to have a shot against them until Bobby Fischer.

One of the ways Bobby Fischer was willing to do what no one else did was that he decided to learn Russian. Many of the best chess books were written in Russian since many of the best players were there.

Fischer was already one of the greats without knowing Russian, but it seems that learning the language helped to push him to a higher level. He was able to learn from chess books that most Americans would have never read.

In 1972, at 29 years old, Fischer beat Boris Spassky and became the world champion. It was the first time a non-Russian had won the title in 24 years.

His story is sad after this, but I think he still serves as a good example for today’s post.

Today, ask yourself:

What is it that no one else is willing to do?

Are they unwilling to…

• work overtime?

• get their hands dirty?

• learn a new language or a computer language?

• dedicate themselves to getting better every day?

• sacrifice some of their free time?

• work on the toughest problems?

• interact with people who they disagree with?

• try something new?

• risk looking like fools?

What is it? What is it you could start doing that most people around you are unwilling to do?

Maybe you will think: “If no one else is willing to do it, then why should I do it?”

You don’t have to, but sometimes it pays off to venture onto trails no one else wants to go on. Maybe they are scared, complacent, or entitled. If these are qualities you have also taken upon yourself, you may also draw firm lines about what you are unwilling to do.

However, if you want to stretch yourself and see if you can grow and evolve, one way to do that may be to do what no one else was willing to do or go where no one else was willing to go.

If you are troubled about taking a great leap, then start with one simple action.

What I Learned in the 5th Grade

I sometimes think back to the 5th grade because it was a tough year for me, but I learned some great life lessons that year. My teacher, Mr. Strombeck, taught me so much, and most of what I learned wasn’t even a part of the curriculum. He had a reputation for being one of the hardest, most strict teachers in the school, yet I’m glad I was in his class.

I Learned to Read (and Think)

This teacher gave us reading assignments that somehow seemed to leap beyond anything I had ever been required to read in the past. They were short stories that it seemed like an adult or young adult may read. He told us to read them on our own time and then answer some comprehension questions that I thought were quite difficult. These stories were not typical kid stories. It was literature. Complex themes and ideas were floating around, and it was not always explained so directly within the story. You had to figure it out on your own or come to your own interpretation of what was going on.

I am convinced now that he wanted to get us thinking. He didn’t want to explain the story to us so that we could learn his explanation. Mr. Strombeck wanted us to figure it out and make sense of the story for ourselves – that is what reading is truly about.

This was the first time I learned to ask myself questions as I read. Why did this character behave this way? What were they trying to accomplish? Why did they get emotional or upset at a certain point? When or where are they, and why does it matter?

I remember that the first stories he assigned were incomprehensible to me. I felt lost. But I kept reading and trying to understand, and at the end of the year, my reading skills had vastly improved. In the 6th grade (the following year), I read the highest-level books in the school library, which were 8th-grade level. I’m sure this was because my 5th-grade teacher had actually challenged me to truly read and to truly think.

My Actions Have Consequences

Surely, children younger than the 5th grade learn that their actions have consequences. Every child knows that if they behave badly enough, they will get punished or at least have some privilege or reward taken away. But I learned this lesson in a deeper way here.

One of my friends needed an eraser, and he was only maybe 15 feet away. I didn’t want to get up from my desk without permission, so I gently tossed an eraser to him, and he caught it.

“That’s 5 days detention right there,” the teacher said sternly, looking at me.

He took a moment to write me up and hand me the form. I was quite upset, as I thought it was obvious that I had not violently thrown anything or tried to hurt anyone. But I knew if I tried to argue the point, it would just make things worse.

To this day, I’m not entirely sure if the punishment of 5 days detention was really warranted. It seems extreme for the gentle toss of an eraser.

Yet as a child, the lesson hit home – Be careful with what you choose to do. Think through your choices. Your actions have consequences.

In hindsight, I think this fifth grade teacher was trying to actually prepare us for life, and not just for the sixth grade.

I sense that the message he was giving me and to the class is that even if this punishment seems harsh, in real life, people often commit actions that appear to be harmless and yet which can result in horrible consequences. Also, in real life, sometimes minor crimes result in harsh sentences, and some criminals get off for free. Things are not always fair.

“It’s not easy, but sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do.”

I was horrible at paying attention in class, and so I believe I was struggling in history class at one point, and my Mom had talked to Mr. Strombeck. He told my Mom that I should go to his desk the next day to discuss my options.

The next day arrived, and I was very introverted, so I was nervous about going up to him. Most of the day went by, and I never went to his desk. I was going to keep waiting and probably never go up to him. Finally, in the afternoon, Mr. Strombeck called me to his desk.

He asked me if my Mom had told me to come to his desk and talk to him, and I said “Yes.”

Then he said something like this: “I know it can be difficult to come up to an adult, but you’re going to have to learn to do this. It’s not easy, but sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do. You are the one who would like to do better in history, so you are the one who needs to come to me about it. Next time you have something on your mind, come straight to me.”

Then he gave me a few extra credit options to help improve my grades.

At the time, I think I struggled to communicate with people, especially adults. In general, I had started to develop some anxiety around socializing. Fifth grade was also the first time I was expected to give presentations in front of the class. All I can recall was having this overwhelming sense of dread when I needed to present like this world-ending disaster was happening. A girl in my class got so nervous that she would shake visibly and cry during her presentations. I probably felt like her on the inside.

The understanding from my teacher that it was difficult for me to communicate and that I was intimidated to speak with adults somehow helped me make it through the year.

Ultimately, now as an adult, I agree with him that some things will be quite difficult, but you have to do them.

Through doing those difficult things over and over, somehow it seems to result in personal growth, well-being, character, grit, and skill.

How to Use the Internet

That year (1995), I was selected to be in a group of four students who would learn extra computer skills. I don’t remember much about what we did. The group only met once per week for about an hour. At that time, I remember working on something called Netscape (a common web browser at that time).

In those days, there were less than 40 million internet users worldwide, and apparently, I was one of them. Today, there are nearly 5 billion regular internet users. There is a good chance you and everyone you know has internet access, but the world wasn’t always this way. And as I’m starting to feel older than I actually am somehow, I will remind you that I am 35 years old now.

We couldn’t have known back then that this internet thing was really going to take off. As kids, it was just an interesting way to pass the time and like a toy to play with.

Now we know the internet is much more powerful than we thought – we are all connected through it and able to share and receive as much information as we can handle.

Final Thoughts

I learned a lot in the 5th grade. I learned to read and think that my actions have consequences, that sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to, and how to use the internet.

By the way, the only things I remember learning were not actually in the course curriculum. Isn’t that interesting?

What did you learn in the 5th grade?

Or do you have a teacher who stands out to you and who helped you learn some valuable life lessons?

Finding the Courage to Challenge Yourself

Allow me to take you back to my middle school years (7th and 8th grades). One day toward the end of the year, teachers began handing out this piece of paper with a checkmark on it. On this paper, they decided whether we would take remedial, regular, honors, or advanced classes in high school.

In English class, the teacher checked off that I should take honors level English classes. Great, no problem.

In Science, the teacher checked off that I should take regular level, science classes. I would admit that I had not performed as well as I should have in 8th-grade science. I hadn’t taken it as seriously as I should have. While I often had a B grade, I was probably only performing about average for the class. After class, I spoke with the teacher, and I told her that I thought I could perform well at the honors level. I wasn’t sure if she was truly convinced, but she went ahead and decided to recommend me for the honors level.  Great.

The last class of the day was Algebra. At the beginning of the class, the teacher handed us our sheets of paper. I was shocked at what I saw. I had to read it over and over until it sank in.

The teacher had checked off that I should take pre-algebra in high school. This was quite a surprise because I had already taken pre-algebra in 7th grade, and I was currently in an algebra class. My grades in algebra were around the B+ level, and I was in the top 30% of the class.

I couldn’t focus on the class anymore at that point. I was sweating profusely. I felt mad at first, but then I felt embarrassed. I figured I had been in the class a full year. If the teacher recommended me for pre-algebra, then I guess this was his professional opinion. I had been hoping to take honors algebra, but that seemed quite unlikely now.

In my mind, I started to come up with reasons as to how the teacher could justify recommending me for pre-algebra. Sometimes I had filled out my homework assignments recklessly, not showing my work properly. My exam scores were decent – so I decided the homework must have been the problem. Or maybe I had done something to offend the teacher personally, and I just never realized it. My mind raced, making up possible reasons to explain how my entire future could be derailed by this.

Whether true or not, I felt that if I took pre-algebra in high school, then my college applications would seem laughable. My credentials would not be competitive enough to get into a good school. Of course, on top of this, I was insulted. The teacher was recommending that I go back to a lower level rather than move forward.

The class was almost over already, and I had gone through all this sweating, a spectrum of emotions, self-doubt, and even self-pity. I was so ashamed at the teacher’s recommendation that I had tucked the sheet of paper in my notebook, not wanting anyone to see it.

The class ended, and students were getting up to leave.

It crossed my mind that I should talk to the teacher, but I was a sweating, nervous mess by that point. I didn’t feel like I could talk to him – I didn’t know what I would even say.

Nonetheless, I needed to know why he was doing this to me. At the last moment, I went up to him with the sheet of paper with his recommendation on it.

In the most deflated way, I mumbled:

“Mr. S, I just wanted you to know that I was actually hoping to take honors algebra next year in high school.”

He glanced down at the sheet of paper I was holding with his recommendation.

“Oh my!” he said, realizing that he had checked off pre-algebra.

“That’s not right at all. Of course, you’ve been doing well enough in the class that I think you should handle honors algebra just fine.”

He crossed out his old recommendation and checked off honors algebra.

It was just a mistake, that was all.

This is a really old story if I’m going way back to middle school. It’s not because I have no other stories for you about courage. But it’s because, at that point in my life, it took a lot for me to talk to an adult directly. As a child, I avoided talking to adults whenever I could. It felt intimidating, and usually, I imagined that they would get whatever they wanted in the end. There was no point in getting into an argument with an adult.

What is interesting to me now is that this took not only courage but that I was actually using my courage to ask to be challenged. I was essentially telling my teachers that I didn’t want an easy ride in high school. I wanted them to push me further. Of course, I wanted to be competitive for college, but I also wanted the intellectual challenge for myself.

I never viewed myself as someone with much courage, but things get interesting when you want something badly enough. When you want it, you become willing to speak up and ask for it.

I see many of us moving away from the challenges, being quite happy to have things easy. We tend to feel better about ourselves when we are performing well in easy situations, but it’s important to push yourself harder, perhaps even to your limits at times. When you push yourself harder and harder, you may find that you are capable of much more than you thought.

The true lesson for me here has been the power of believing in ourselves. Although I struggled to believe in myself, and I almost didn’t say anything to my math teacher, ultimately, I had enough belief in my abilities where I felt the need to speak up.

We shouldn’t just be a leaf in the wind, being pushed this way and that by the forces around us. Rather, we should have some input into where our lives go. When we take our life into our own hands, we learn that what we do matters. Our actions can lead us toward something better or away from it. But if we don’t have the courage to live by our own will, then we may never learn that lesson.

Find the courage in yourself to strive for that challenge so that you may become something better. If you are not being pushed or challenged enough, then ask for it. You do not always need rewards to go along with it. The challenge is worth it for its own sake, to have the chance to grow beyond what you thought you could.

Often our true potential is much, much higher than we think it is. When we find the courage to challenge ourselves, we will begin to take steps that can ultimately lead us to greatness.