Unlock Higher States of Consciousness, Understanding, and Being
Strive for Loving Relationships, and Avoid the Toxic Ones
Generally, relationships should be based on love, acceptance, and understanding, which is good and healthy. However, they can sometimes be based on distrust, dissatisfaction, and a lack of understanding, which of course is not good and healthy. We have to learn to attract the good kinds of relationships and to avoid the bad ones.
Today’s post is an excerpt from my book, 7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By: A Guide to the Happy, Peaceful, & Meaningful Life.
Generally, relationships should be based on love, acceptance, and understanding, which is good and healthy. However, they can sometimes be based on distrust, dissatisfaction, and a lack of understanding, which is not good and healthy. We have to learn to attract good kinds of relationships and to avoid bad ones.
Think about who is in your life the most, from day to day. This will probably include people you live with, whether your parents, spouse, children, or possibly roommates. Some of your close relationships may also be with your coworkers or with superiors at work. These relationships tend to be very important because we spend a lot of time with these people, meaning that they can have a greater influence over us.
Be cautious if you find yourself surrounded by people who are insensitive to your needs. They may belittle you, be sarcastic, attack you verbally or even physically, actively get in the way of your pursuits, start intense arguments with you, and so forth. Depending on the frequency and intensity of these, they can create a toxic environment for you.
Something to be aware of is that healthy relationships have issues too. Don’t worry that if you have an intense argument with someone, this automatically means the relationship is toxic. This isn’t necessarily the case. The problem is when you feel drained and agonize over interactions with certain people. Keep in mind that in some families or some relationships, arguments may be a normal part of life, and it can be an effect of personalities that clash but who still care for each other. In fact, some people may have a way of bonding through their arguments. The issue is if someone becomes distraught through chronic arguments. If such a thing occurs often, we may have a toxic relationship that needs repair.
If you have found yourself holding all of your thoughts inside and becoming resentful to keep the peace, you should realize that this isn’t the best path either. In some cases, it is reasonable to disagree with someone and possibly even to argue. I will ask that you consider the middle path. Do not always argue, and do not always hold in your feelings and keep them to yourself. Perhaps the best option is to state how you feel without needing to argue about it. Be who you are and hold your own viewpoints, and allow others to be who they are. Some people get intensely argumentative because they ultimately wish to control others, and people, of course, cannot be controlled so easily.
Note that if you find yourself in an overly toxic environment that harms you, you should consider leaving that environment if possible. This may involve stopping an activity, changing your workplace, or even changing homes. The more drastic the choice would be, the more deeply you should consider if it is truly worth it to leave the environment or if there is another way to repair the situation. For instance, if you have an issue with a sibling, discussing the matter with another family member could help. Or, if you have an issue with a fellow worker, discussing this with your employer could help.
Even if you are not contributing to the toxicity in any way, you will suffer through everyday exposure to it. For this reason, you may consider leaving such environments even when it is not your fault.
Remember this: Allow others to be who they are, and be who you are. You do not need to agree with everyone, and everyone does not need to agree with you.
7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By is available on Amazon, Google Play, Apple, Kobo, and Barnes & Noble, and other retailers.
The Daily Drama
Have you noticed that most people seem drawn to the darkness? When there is a horrible car accident, we can’t help but look over to see what happened, even though we know it cannot be good. People enjoy gossip, talking about the bad things happening in other people’s lives. We watch violent TV shows or movies, attracted somehow to the extreme and dark depths of human nature.
Today’s post is an excerpt from my book, 7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By: A Guide to the Happy, Peaceful, & Meaningful Life.
A fascination with the negative, the dark, and the drama
Have you noticed that most people seem drawn to the darkness? When there is a horrible car accident, we can’t help but look over to see what happened, even though we know it cannot be good. People enjoy gossip, talking about the bad things happening in other people’s lives. We watch violent TV shows or movies, attracted somehow to the extreme and dark depths of human nature.
I call this general fascination with the negative and the darkness and how we are attracted to it, The Daily Drama. This is my name for it because I have noticed that many of us create a lot of drama in our own lives – we experience this daily, yet we don’t even seem to realize that we are a primary reason for its existence.
We can end the drama, often by tuning out of whatever is causing it. Is it a personal desire to always have attention on yourself? Is it a colleague or a friend? Is it your overreaction to any minor event that you did not expect? We can learn healthier ways to acquire attention or learn to overcome our need for this attention. We can minimize communications with the colleague or friend, and we can learn that our overreactions make things worse. We may fear disconnecting from the drama, thinking that we will make things worse by ignoring it or by not giving it our full attention. But often, one drama arises, then it is corrected or forgotten. Then another drama arises, and the cycle repeats again and again. We do not need to worry – the drama will always be alive and well. It is ourselves that we must take care of.
If this daily drama rules your life where every day is filled with it, I urge you to break the cycle. Understand that you are playing a role in the drama by how you react to it and that it is not fully out of your control.
Ask yourself: Am I going to feed the drama? Or am I going to allow it to die a quiet death without feeding it any further?
A matter of survival
Why are we attracted to the negativity and the darkness?
By having some darkness in us, we can better identify it in others and protect ourselves from it. For example, The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli and The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene were both written on the theme of gaining power and using manipulative tactics to get what you want. However, they were not necessarily written with the view that you must do dark things, but also with the understanding that you must at least be aware that there are people out there willing to use dark means to get what they want from you. And thus, if you understand their intentions, you can prevent the use of these manipulative tactics on yourself.
We have to understand the darkness to overcome the darkness. If you do not understand it, you risk succumbing to it. The issue is that our minds sometimes dwell on the darkness and become stuck in it, plagued by it. This is when we know that we have a problem.
7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By is available on Amazon, Google Play, Apple, Kobo, and Barnes & Noble, and other retailers.
Exercise: Create a Positivity Box
Your Positivity Box could be an actual box, or it could just be a journal, notebook, or scrapbook (physical or digital) that contains quotes, music, videos, pictures, and general reminders of things that are positive in life.
Today’s post is an excerpt from my book, 7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By: A Guide to the Happy, Peaceful, & Meaningful Life.
Your Positivity Box could be an actual box, or it could just be a journal, notebook, or scrapbook (physical or digital) that contains quotes, music, videos, pictures, and general reminders of things that are positive in life. You may include a quote by Oprah Winfrey, such as: “Surround yourself only with people who are going to take you higher.” You may have the song Happy, sung by Pharrell Williams, or a card written by your child. Alternatively, you could include a list of everything you are grateful for. Another option is to include photos that record positive memories with family and friends. Any time you struggle to stay positive, open your Positivity Box, and remind yourself of all that is good in the world.
7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By is available on Amazon, Google Play, Apple, Kobo, and Barnes & Noble, and other retailers.
The Unknowing Teacher
The Unknowing Teacher is something that many of us have in our lives and fail to be grateful for. This is someone who teaches you but without meaning to. Usually, this person isn’t a teacher by profession, and they are not teaching you specific lessons on purpose.
Today’s post is an excerpt from my book, 7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By: A Guide to the Happy, Peaceful, & Meaningful Life.
The Unknowing Teacher is something that many of us have in our lives and fail to be grateful for. This is someone who teaches you but without meaning to. Usually, this person isn’t a teacher by profession, and they are not teaching you specific lessons on purpose. Instead, they teach you based on the poor decisions that they have made in their lives, and you are the one who gets to see the results of those choices.
When we see people who have made poor choices in their lives, we can see why they now have a bad situation in life. They retired too young, and now they are broke; they ignored their children, and now those children have grown to become criminals; they took everything personally, and now they are perpetually unhappy; they drank every weekend instead of pursuing their dreams, and now their life is filled with regret.
The unknowing teacher teaches us a lot about what we should not do, how we should not live, and what to avoid in our lives. Such a person is a great resource to have and to witness because sometimes we need a reminder of where the bad paths in life will lead us. Be grateful for these people when you see them and learn from their example.
If someone very close to you is an unknowing teacher – perhaps a parent or a sibling, do not feel sorry for yourself. Simply through your everyday exposure to such a person, you will be able to immunize yourself from leading the same type of life. You will see all the bad behaviors that lead to negative outcomes and learn that this is not the life for you.
Remember this: Heed the lessons of the unknowing teacher carefully, or risk becoming one yourself.
7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By is available on Amazon, Google Play, Apple, Kobo, and Barnes & Noble, and other retailers.